Damn, I thought that might happen. The first comment of the last post I made was not meant to logically lead to the following set, it was merely an observation. And an explanation for those who read this who don't know what's up. What followed after is my reaction to two things that came out of this weekend, part of which those of you whom I'm currently talking with had some input in, and part of which other people had some input in. After which when all was said and done, I was trying to get my thoughts balanced out enough that they would actually do me some good. Remind me to only write things I've thought through, the inbetween is not for anyone to know. By the way, the post that started it all was referring to how we listen to others and applies to all levels, more than it was about when and to whom we should listen. Go context, it clarifies everything.

The first thing I reacted against has to do with what happens when one person in a relationship starts to (or continues to) rely on another person's motivation and energy to continue meaningful communication. Having been on both sides of the spectrum on this one, I felt I had reason to comment on the side that hadn't been brought up yet. I am of the personal belief that its not just a friend's responsibility to figure out that something's up with you, its also your responsibility to seek out the help of your friend when that's the case. On the one side, that means to me that I keep my eyes and ears open for what is really going on in the lives of the people around me. It means I pray regularly for them. But it also means that I let them know that there are times when I can't "watch" them as much as usual and I'll depend on them being open and honest more at that time to let me know what's important. Those are the times when I have to let the details go. (And funny, those are the times when the most people get mad at me. Go fig.) Hence, the explanation of where my energy is going to go for the next month. Those of you who know me know that when I have to work on something big, I drop everything else that takes my energy and focus on just that until its done. That's what I was talking about.

On the other side of the equation, it means that I'm always working to be strong enough to be honest with the people around me, to let them know what things I need them to pay attention to if they want to read me and to leave off the mask when it won't blow the world up to do so. I don't think its right to rely on someone else to keep calling your bluffs just to get you to be real. You should tear down your walls with your own hands more than rely on the hands of others. Can you see the imbalance I'm talking about here? Hence the whole thing about "chasing" people.

Now I would of not brought that whole thing up if it weren't for the fact that after this weekend, I felt very much like I was being told that I needed to be the proactive one without the added caveat that the people around me would understand what I need to do right now and how to adapt to it. Thus all I could see was an unbalanced, unhealthy drain on my energy. Hence the reaction, hence the statement. (And before you think that's an attack on you, Matt, its NOT. There are other things going on around here.)

The second thing I was reacting to was the assumption that has been thick in the air around here that "listening" to someone means dropping everything you're doing to spend 6 hours just discussing/listening to one person's problems, and do that immediately whenever that person feels like they're not getting any attention. That action may indeed be necessary from time to time, but I find that it is a pretty rare case with most people. The people who make it a regular order of business are the ones most of us find it hard to be around...Janet, from church, comes to mind here. She'll talk your ear off, but what she really tries to do is get you to feel sorry about her enough that you'll become the busybody she is. Instant soap opera. The kind of "listening" that does people good is the kind that leads to forward movement, and what it looks like on the outside could be anything from an evening at your house to 2 minutes on the phone. Does that make better sense?

Matt, Jon, sorry to make you think you're the reason for all of this, I will clarify until we all get it. But I don't have to time today.