Stopping To Catch Your Breath

I was originally hoping that this blog would be a sort of anchor for my thinking and a place for family to catch up on what I'm doing, but looking at the rate I've been writing I can only say that I must be more caught up in the speed of my life than I thought I was. If I were a married young mom, I'd understand it...having little kids leaves little time for inner reflection. But as a single person I have to admit I haven't been taking as much advantage of the amount of control I have over my daily living as I want to. How many life lessons have I missed out on simply because I've let things carry me at their own pace? How much of God's voice have I not heard just because I let the world get too loud? While there are times when its inevitable to get caught up in what's going on, I really don't believe that its wise to stay there.

So today I'm taking the opportunity to sit down and think some about all that's happened so far this year. Since Christmas I've had the joy to see my younger brother get married and attend my first real "family" get-together at their home over Easter. I've welcomed a new co-worker from China into the Jeffery Lab and lost a dear friend to sudden heart failure. I've seen my friends Adrian and Jessie welcome their third child into the world and move into a new (huge!) house. I've had friends at church get engaged and seen some lose their jobs. I've met new friends during Underground outings, seen our fledgling worship team grow in stability, started a new research project for the boss, sent off one worship pastor and welcomed a new one to Cornerstone. I've watched three undergrad students graduate, tried to start my new porch garden and joined a new softball team. There is so much I have to be thankful for, both good and sad, that I can't believe its only May. (You can see a lot of what I've been up to in the albums I've added to the blog.)

I turn 30 this June. In and of itself that's an interesting thing to think about. I always get reflective when I hit the 5's and 10's, that's probably normal. While there's a lot of things I think I could of done better, in the end I think I'm satisfied that I've made it to this age as the person I am. God has done a lot of work in me over the years, but I know He's nowhere near done yet. And as long as that is true, I can't stay satisfied with staying the person that I am at 30. So then, the question is, who do I want to be now? Where do I want to go from here? While God gives the growth, we are responsible working on the development, the self-control, the investment of time into ourselves and others. In light of the person I want to be 30 years from now, how do I walk today?

I have hopes, of course. Someday I would like to be married and starting a family of my own. I'd like to make an income that covers all the bills with a bit left over for saving and for play. It'd be great to have a house I'd like to live in for years, with a black Labrador for company and enough space for a veggie garden, a study/library, and a craft room. It'd be great to serve at the same church for at least a decade or more. And in my career I'd like to become the kind of technician that can enhance anyone's research, a specialist in doing science well and in running a lab to succeed. The funny thing is, I think I've been learning that all of those things are things that God has to give me. I can't really make any of them happen on my own. I can prepare for them, invest in the internal infrastructure my soul needs to live fruitfully during them, study to increase my toolbox for them but I can't make them happen. Its kind of like my garden. I can plant the seeds, enhance the soil, and water them everyday, but unless God says "grow", I won't get any tomatoes for my salad.

While I can't make my hopes reality, I can make the person I wish to be a reality. God may have to guide the how (because I'm really clueless about that) and He certainly will guide the events of when, but the choices I make each day are the foundation of who I will be tomorrow. They'll either be a platform I can build on or a weight pulling me down. So if I want to be a woman of wisdom, relatively good health, and joyful humor in 30 years then today I should choose to spend time with God, do a little exercise, and give something in service to somebody that makes them smile. I'll choose to challenge myself a little at work rather than sitting on my current expertise. I'll choose to not freak out over my income but work on honoring God with my money. I won't go headhunting for a guy just because I'm 30 and still single. If I faithfully do my work today, God won't leave me hanging. He's not that kind of God, after all.