^_^

Ok, so to add specifics to what I was talking about before, I am:

1) sitting in on a class my boss is teaching this semester in Developmental Biology. Even though I'm not taking this for credit and its not really grad school, I need to know this material and I need to know if I can handle taking classes while working fulltime. So I'm participating as if I were getting a grade that counted. And that, my friends, is a lot of study time.

2) making experiments a priority at work. As a result of this plan of action and #1, Bill has given me kind of an area of research to call my own, similar to what our grad students are supposed to do, but more working in conjunction with him. I still am his assistant, and I still act as his hands for a lot of things but now he wants me to try a little more independant thinking and input. This is really cool because it IS the next logical step in my growth, and kind of intimidating because I still know nothing really. Another reason why my classwork has taken on a sudden central importance.

3) narrowing down other activities in my life. I have dropped out of Youth Group work, and now really only work with those kids that God has brought to my door, rather than going out of my way to find others. Even with them I'm not as available to talk and hang out as I used to be. I have chosen Aikido as my only other activity, and that's because I need physical stamina to pull this stuff off. Weekends are now dominated by studying and housework even when Jeremy's visiting, which is a new thing to learn. And as for things like anime, video gaming, and reading, they're slowly but surely starting to take a back seat as I work on turning more of my time into study time and not vegging. My social time is also taking more of a back seat for now as well. Basically, if its not a planned activity, I'm not doing it. Probably.

4) working on my health. I've got my glasses fixed and my ADD meds working, now I'm getting tested for anemia and hopefully getting that straightened out will give me more energy. Unfortunately, better health for me means a 10pm bedtime (among other things) so if I don't get to it before then, be it work or fun, too bad for me.

Add all that in with the amount of growth and energy it takes to maintain a good dating relationship and I'm maxxed out, but I needed Mom's 2x4 to even get to the point of admitting that, and being willing to give up all the other things I've really wanted to do. I've gone out on a limb at work and given my boss a copy of my box schedule that I use to manage my time, so now I've got a lot of pressure to keep to it because that's what he's counting on me doing. All of a sudden the consequences of just sliding by in my commitments are effecting me in much quicker and more visible ways, with more people able to see it. I can't just hide behind "business" anymore. I'm having to meet my commitments with more consistancy and quality than I've ever had to do before, and this from a person who already makes them a priority.

Which is why I've been thinking about it alot lately.