I've discovered an odd fact about Xanga that I didn't know I knew until I said it out loud: people really use this place as a "safe haven". They express all these feelings that they don't feel safe to say out loud to the people they live with in the language of a private journal. Then they tell the people they trust about the site, so at least somebody reads it and agrees. A fantastic idea. Why?

Ever been in a spot where even though the other person says they understand your point, you don't feel they do because you have much much more to say on the subject? I know I do. When all your feelings are written down, however, in a much more one-sided kind of conversation, you feel like you got it all out and the other person was forced to sit and listen to you. All the way through. Now all of a sudden it feels like they know your side of it for sure. And like they have heard all of it before they react. After all, how many of us really get to the most important issue first? We like to dance around a bit.

That's a really important thing to know about people. More of us feel like this than we care to admit, I think. Probably because in this day and age, we (as a society) really suck at listening. I kinda like having a place where I can write things I like to talk about and I know someone will read them. And a place where I can control their responses to what I say. (If I don't like it, I'll delete it! kinda thing).

But there's also something wrong with it too...because people don't listen, its easy to use things like Xanga to substitute. And then we don't learn to listen either. I mean, come on people. When it comes right down to it, nothing subs for a real flesh-and-blood human being listening to you all the way through and responding respectfully at the end of it. But how are we ever going to develop that if we aren't willing to talk to each other in the real situations we find ourselves in? K, ya, sure there are things you can and can't say to so-and-so at times. And relying on one person for this is too much of a burden. I know that. But its gotta start somewhere, with someone, and if you're reading this that means you. And me.

Wanna see the world change? Let's become people who listen.

(You may now return to your regularly scheduled browsing.)

~A