So the last two weeks haven't been very easy for me, not necessarily because work in and of itself has been hard, but because of some lessons I am having to learn. And as usual, the medium is my job. Supposing you found out in a rather round-about way that things in your boss's life have changed in the past year or so. And while in general you believe that your boss's life is his own personal business, having an idea that these changes were going on would explain a lot about why his work patterns have changed and as a result, yours as well. Additionally if those changes plugged into places where you yourself have problems trusting or talking to people in general, all of a sudden you'd feel not just uninformed or taken by surprise, but also unable to communicate well.

I'm learning to think that whether its fair or not, you have to be wise and gentle in the way you work with people, especially if they aren't Christians and don't share my worldview in some capacity. You need to protect your own boundaries, but not tear down or obstruct their efforts. But I'm not used to thinking too much about how my boss's personal life would affect my job and maybe even if I continue to have one. To me, a boss is a consistent entity, not someone who's whims I just have to deal with to the best of my ability or get fired. I've worked as a receptionist for long enough that I've even seen bosses come and go, but I've never thought that my tenure or security was dependent upon their personal stability. Of course, that kind of job is not quite the same as being a personal assistant in a small business. So much more of your life affects your work when your company is not big enough to hold the framework of positions for itself. But its a kind of vulnerability I really don't like. And I hate having the concept snuck up on me like this. For a whole weekend I was really freaking out about how I don't have enough in my savings yet to cover me for a bit if I lose my job. My budget is that close-fitting most of the time.

Probably as a direct result, I'm much more angry than I give myself credit for, and mostly with my boss. This whole thing is like having the rug yanked out from under my feet in some respects. And right now he's out of the country, not coming back until the first day of school, so there are a ton of things that I can't be proactive about. When he gets here, I'll be reacting like crazy, and I also really hate doing that. Unfortunately, I can't figure out if this whole mess is something I can really talk to him about, because the wise moves really seem to be more my responsibility than his. He's also not a Christian, so there's no discussion between equals on spiritual matters that might relate to this. There is probably something I could say about the lack of information coming down the pike, but the question there is how and when to say that. Depending on how he's handling things right now, something he normally wouldn't react to could totally set him off.

In the middle of all of this, I need to get on with my job. September - mid-November is a busy time of year at a University like it or not. And now that the microscope is fixed, I can't go on vacation until my tastebud counts are done. (Boy do I need one!!) I'm probably going to be a serious crab for a while, I just hope it won't mess things up too much.