I just felt like smiling at everyone. My current line of thought is on the importance of proper independence. Living where I am, it is real easy for me to just let myself get sucked into the world around me and forget that there are much better ways of dealing with pain than just letting myself be carried along. God gave me the old smack down on Tuesday, and pointed out that the things I've been overly spending my money on, like DVDs, I've been using as a way to kind of try and declare my independence from the problems around me. Problem is, that kind of spending is actually preventing me from really being independent, by sucking dry my savings and stuff. Its making me rely more and more on the people I need to be independent from in order to be any good to them (or myself). Argh...

I guess its just another form of running. Because it does hurt to be here. Everyone around me is hurting so much, I can't help but feel it. Its not that there isn't hope, or that they aren't doing the right things or anything like that. Its just that right now things are starting to be dealt with, and that hurts. And I can really pick up on it.

So I'm working on building my own "home-within-a-home" if you will, my own space inside of someone else's. Its hard, and it means that I have to think differently about things like my money (I suck at that!), but I know that it will be the balance I need to keep going, keep loving, keep serving, and keep learning.

I guess that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, but its a xanga page so what the hey. Later!